I really don’t know how to describe insomnia.
You lay there in bed, wanting to fall asleep, but you can’t.
Your mind races. You think about things you forgot to do today, or about things you have to do tomorrow. You think about things that could have happened yesterday that didn’t. You think about what you did a week ago. You think about things that happened thee years ago. Every harsh word you said haunts you. Ever harsh word anyone else ever said haunts you.
Your brain runs a mile a minute. You just can’t shut it off. Every bad memory, very loss, everything’s ng that has ever caused you pain just sits there. Taunting you. It’s like that shadow in the corner of the room that catches your eye every night and scares you. It’s constant.
It’s not lack of wanting to sleep. It’s fear, anxiety, sadness… It’s reliving everything that’s happened to you and everything you have done to everyone else. It’s like a horrible movie is playing in your head every time you close your eyes.
Insomnia isn’t just “not sleeping” it’s so much more than that. So much more.