I feel like my whole life I’ve been spinning around in circles.
I get over one emotion or fear only to face another. Then the cycle continues and eventually it starts over again.
I feel like I annoy everyone I talk to. I know I don’t. But I feel like a burden to everyone. I feel like everyone I know would be so much better without me bugging them. Sometimes I want to turn my phone off and just vanish. Would anyone come looking? Would anyone care? Would anyone even notice if I was gone? Not like dead gone, but gone. How long would it take for people to notice?
Part of me wishes I had people to hang out with and do things with, and then part of me is glad I don’t. I don’t have to deal with people forgetting their plans with me. I don’t have to deal with people ignoring my texts. I don’t have to miss anyone.
Being alone is easier. It hurts but it hurts less than being forgotten. It hurts less than being ignored.
I just want to disappear.